givessweetness | Video 3 § Ooww.

[Wynter looks a bit tired, but also resigned.] Those were the most uncomfortable shoes I've ever worn. I also missed having trousers.

[He was wearing a greek toga for breech. But hey, he didn't die.]

[Private to Iris]

[He's seen this texting happening, young lady.] You died, didn't you. [Wynter, you are not her mother. He seems to realise this after a second.] ...Never mind. [He rolls his eyes at himself.]

[Private to C'rizz]

Uh. [The fuck, dude? Can't say that.] So, um. I feel like I missed something.

Current Mood: accomplished

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Do you.

[C'rizz's voice is caustic. His current mood of self loathing has manifested in a particularly prickly exterior. ]

[He is not going to be sassed at.]

Are you going to shoot me again?

Not until the next psychic anomaly that turns me into a brainwashed religious thug. So, next week, about?

I'm told there's variety. So it might take a while.

I have a certain kind of luck, and your Rassilon arranged for my species to be good at certain things.

Well, he certainly drilled a lot of pessimism in both our species.

Edited (For grammar) Date: 2014-03-17 10:54 pm (UTC)

I'm sure you're very hard done by.

I chose to die, do you know that? It was for the best. I wasn't going to be used against my friends anymore. And what was the point now?

You're sarcastic, but would it surprise you I did the same? Though not for my friends. I was going to be used to infect my world with a virus. If I ever regenerated, it would cost my entire world theirs. So I didn't. Ended up being spread some other way.

My only consolation is that I got the word out before I died. May be it was a little less severe than it would have been. Maybe.

[There's a pause.] I'm here because I can't give up. I deserve better. As… utterly conceited as that sounds. How typical of my race to consider myself more important than to be prepared to stop at being a victim, the first of many. But I believe I do deserve better.

I should be dead. I'll just turn on you lot again.

You should learn to accept that you're going to stumble before you collect yourself. Just because that could happen doesn't mean there won't be times when it won't.

I wonder, is the encouraging speech making the places that I shot you hurt less?

About the same as your deflecting sarcasm actually deflects anything.

The Doctor talked this way too. 'Never ever give up.' 'You can make your own destiny.'

Well, he was wrong. Or he didn't care that if you let some people make their own destiny, other people's destinies end.

You're wrong, too.

Sometimes 'destiny' is death, but sometimes it's not. Either way, apart from the choices we make, we can't control it, because other people make choices too. In this case, the Admiral.

And your destiny is to live again. Here. Now, you have to make a choice. Is giving into self loathing for however long you stay here really the choice you want to make? Because, as Iris as the others have made abundantly clear with this last anomaly, death isn't what people here are destined for.

Maybe that isn't my destiny. Maybe it's to find out what the Admiral's game is and stop him.

[Or maybe that's the Doctor talking-- the impression that long exposure to his strong personality stamped into C'rizz. Well, that will fade. Everything changes-- but the proverb is wrong, as proverbs often are. In this universe, things can be truly lost.]

I'm sure the Doctor's said something similar. [One accusation deserves another.] But. Are you saying that for the good of others here or your own sake? I'm not sure he'd approve of the latter.

There shouldn't be a me to be self-interested about.

[Private]

My parents are dead. I killed my mate. I've lost count of the times I've betrayed the only friends, family, I had left in any universe. I was able to die in peace because I knew that finally I was doing something right, something that would keep them safe-- and now even that's been proved useless.

Your admiral should have left well enough alone.

Except there is.

[Private]

But he didn't. He thought you could overcome it. Maybe he's a complete idiot. But you can't hurt your friends here. And people here won't stay dead, so you can't hurt them for long.

You've a chance here. I'm not arguing whether or not you are happy to have it. You're not. But you still have that chance. And if you can graduate out of this place, it'll be with the kind of self that can handle becoming that man in that world and other worlds besides.

You won't just graduate and be let lose to hurt others.

Well, I've figured out one way you're different from the Doctor. You're a lot more willing to trust faceless authority figures.

[And that seems to be all he has to say on the subject.]

That's literally the opposite of what I was saying, but thanks for listening, I guess. This is about coping with what you've got, not trusting anyone.

I might have. Just a little. You?

No, I'm fine.

very glad to hear it. that was a bit of a heavy breach for your first one.

...come to that, my first was an escape attempt too. Morgana and this bloke from Wonderland crashed the boat there. Rorschach and I were the Duchess and her son. It was brilliant.

Oh, so it's usually easier? Wonderland?

it usually doesn't break the ship, at least. some of them are pretty bloody hard.

it's a different reality. it's leaked into Terran fiction, but it's a real place. parts of my bus' engine were built there. it's not a place where people from this reality can stay sane long. Most of the others didn't like it much.

...we had one once where I was married to the Master. he was on board then. that's still my worst one yet.

Well, that's good. Because no one seems to really know how to fix it. I can see why that might have been awkward.

[There's a bit of pause when he received that last bit.]

I am really glad he's no longer here.

ugggggh so am I. I can't thnk of anyone I'd like to be around less.

I did stab him to death with an icepick, though, so that's some consolation.

We take them when we can.

we had Davros for a while too. he was much better company than the Master.

I was sorry when he disappeared. If we had succeeded with him we might have really solved some problems.

[Davros? He'd heard of him, what Time Lord didn't? But he was an abstract concept more than a person, unlike the Master, so he's having some difficulty reconciling the two.]

If you say so? I've never been in a position to carry out a comparison. But I don't know. He's so deeply entrenched in our universe's history, I'm having difficulty understanding what a universe with a 'redeemed' Davros would look like.

he was Barbara's inmate; we tackled a terrible port together. One where spectres out of our minds were made real and sent to attack us.

he was not a good person. but he was a person. he helped us formulate a cure when we had the rabies epidemic. he's not... he was ruthless, he was singleminded and he'd been raised to terrible bigotry. But he had it in him to rethink that. I don't think the Master ever did. I think he's one of those people that reality would simply be better off without.

It is harder to think about how the Master might be different. Some say he was a victim of terrible circumstance and should never have been allowed off world. Though 'never have been allowed off world' is a solution a lot of people fall back on.

terrible circumstances my arse. he's a spoiled privileged brat that chose never to outgrow pulling wings off flies for amusement.

the Doctor still has a soft spot for him and the CIA thought they could use him so he didn't get wiped out. more's the pity.

He's never actually succeed in any mission I know of. [Admittedly, he's not one to know a lot about the CIA.]

i'm sure there have to have been some, but yes; the Doctor's been very effective at keeping him occupied. that's not prevented a great deal of collateral damage, though.

it's one of the few arguments I try and avoid having with him. I love him dearly, but sometimes you just have to draw a line under your feelings and move the hell on.

I think that once we get used to a feeling, it's very hard to shift it. Which probably explains most of the inmate population, if not the rest of us.

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September 2015

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